Yesterday my daughter had a birthday party to go to……she is 14 yrs old, so at an age where she is really starting to be independent. An age where as her mother, I need to start letting go and relinquishing a bit of control which isn’t always easy.
So, she was invited to a birthday party, and they were planning on meeting at the girl’s house, heading to Olive Garden for dinner, and then back to the girl’s house. The night before we looked at the menu, and we discussed the options she can choose from. She had two options to choose from. I called the girl’s mother to confirm that they were 100% going to Olive Garden and she assured me this was where her daughter wanted to go and they would wait in line if busy for as long as it took.
We dropped her off at her friend’s house, and ran some errands. I was a little nervous about her making choices on her own, but also know I have to start to let go so that she can grow up and also know how to do this on her own.
Unfortunately, due to covid Genavieve had a lot less experience with going out and making choices or going to friend’s houses and making choices. She hasn’t had a lot of opportunity to do those things the last few years, so although she is in high school it is a different experience from her two sisters. After all we spent about two years locked in and locked away thanks to good old covid.
When she came home I asked her how things went and what she decided to go with. She went with the pasta and the marinara sauce. While we were talking we realized she messed up. She didn’t request the gluten free noodles which are lower in protein……oh crud.
How did I handle it? Very calmly. Mistakes happen and she immediately knew she messed up. I assured her it was okay, and we were going to take this as a learning experience. I wasn’t mad at her, because what good would that do? I didn’t punish her because again…..what good would that do?
Instead I assured her she would be okay, and we talked about the mistake. We also talked about how she can handle the situation next time so she got it right.
I share this here because it is important for parents to remember that how they react to a situation can really make or break your child. How you react to the situation can help your child learn, and give them confidence to try again.
If I would have yelled at her or punished her…..all that would have taught her was to feel bad about her PKU and encourage her to hide the truth next time. I knew that was definitely not the right approach.
By me handling it calmly it gave us the opportunity to talk. It gave HER the opportunity to learn how to make better choices next time, and how to remember next time. It also gave her the opportunity to have fond memories of this event and to feel positively and confidently about going out in public on her own and making her own decisions.
Am I worried she will screw up again? Not really…..it happens, and as parents we need to calmly encourage them and teach them. Plus as parents we also need to understand the mix ups will happen, and while we don’t want them to happen all the time they will happen and your child will be okay.
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